Some years ago I was sharing with a good friend on mine our experiences in Rovinj, in one of the biggest Kizomba festivals in Europe. I asked her about the most memorables experiences in the festival and she proceeded to describe how good it felt to dance with a partner that only embraced her steadily for a long time, with no other requirement than her presence. That was a bit against the common pre-conception of the leader with a rich set of moves to show off.
I have been reflecting a little bit about that story, trying to understand the power of presence in the dance, and my hypothesis lies on what its referred to affectionate, or compassionate love.
Dancing has been used in many cultures as a way to transcend. Cultures like the Masai tribes, or whirling sufis or tibetan monks have used solo and group dancing as ways to connect with with something bigger than themselves. The interesting part, is that, such transcendance can also come from a couple (or social) dance, depeding on how I treat my partner on the dancefloor.
Imagine the eyes of a mother looking at her child. For her, independent of how child looks like, (s)he is already perfect. The love of a mother does not ask for more than the realization of her child. By giving love, by making this creature happy, she is receiving much more.
When we are dancing, we are in a position where we can provide compassionate love. We have a human being in front of us, to which we share many similarities. First, we both want to be happy, and second, we both want to avoid any suffering. This person in front deserves not only my respect, but also my compassionate love. I would like that at the end of the dance, that person in front leaves feeling accepted, cared for, beautiful and happy.
The beauty of a couple dance, is that we have one song in order to create those feelings. It is beautiful because we can exercise a policy of non-attachment. If I love you compassionately, I treasure that ephemeral instant that you give to be with me, and I will cherish the happy moments you share with others.
In practical terms, I think we exercise compassionate love in dancing when:
- We accept that everyone, newcommer or experienced dancer, physically appealing or not, has something beautiful to offer us.
- We do not focus on the embrace, "moves" or choreographies learnt. The goal of this dance is not to have measurable outcome, but rather the enjoyment of the instant together.
- We consider our partners not as objects, but rather as human beings with their own range of expressions. That means, we don't project our needs to whatever they can give, avoiding a later suffering.
- We listen to whatever our partner communicates. Non-verbal communication is the key to know how relaxed we can be in each others' company.
- We keep a beginners' mind, learning from each and every person coming to us.
- We learn to receive, in the same way we are giving.
Finally, a call to earth: even when we don't want to, we all commit flaws (both in dance, and in life in general), and that is OK. Forgiving (ourselves and others) is the only way to continue dancing. That also means, to ease on the judgment, and to focus on the enjoyment of this shared gift.
/Andrés
