It has been a bit more than four years since I first stepped in danish ground, with times on and off inside this society and their amusing cultural behaviours. In most of the aspects, I can see myself as a well adapted immigrant that can find his way in the middle of social constructions and protocols that in many other lands make no sense. One thing that I have never fully understood, is the way danish girls approach the contact with members of the opposite sex, which makes me get into very uncomfortable situations from time to time. The word "dating" seems to have a big weight in the danish society, but a different conception than the one I have coming from a latin world. Today I want to shed some light to you, danish girl (or girl living in Denmark for XX years), on what me (and perhaps most latin guys) actually mean when they are talking to you:
Let's call this:
"Guide for understanding the latin behaviour in the light of scandinavian women":
1. The fact that I talk to you without having 4 liters of beer already processed in my liver, does not mean that I want to sneak in your underwear, nor that I want to marry nor have children with you. In the place where I come from, being outgoing, spontaneous and forward-spoken when it comes to conversations is the natural behaviour, and to do that we do not require to be drunk. In fact, although alcohol ingestion is a socially accepted routine, being drunk is generally seen as a very disrespectful behaviour towards yourself and the ones neighboring you.
2. A latin individual in scandinavia tend to have roots in the society based on his network of friends (unless being married/divorced). That means that most of the compromises that come from family activities are not binding for a person like us. Do not misunderstand that with a conception that we "do not care about family": on the contrary, having a very weak state in our respective countries of origin makes family the backbone of our society, and latin people are very proud of their family traditions. We also regard meeting the family as a very intimate act, that only comes with a friendship or a long term relationship.
3. Yes, a latino can be talkative, joyful and playful with friends and no-friends. That does not mean he is an "easy-goer" or that he wants to sleep with all the girls he talks to. Discussions with other people are the milestone to a deeper understanding of our society, and we love to compare our own cultural facts with yours. A smile is not an indication of a flirt, nor an invitation to bed. In case of doubt...well, we are in Scandinavia, so you might well ask directly.
4. I Never, I repeat, Never go on dates, unless you are my girlfriend or somebody I know for a long time. That is because I consider "dating" as a very romantic moment that the person in front of me needs to earn. Yes, we are the romantic type that can give flowers or open the door to our beloved ones, but it can't be anyone. That is different from the scandinavian conception where dating can be considered a sport that you practice with regularity with one or more people at the same time.
5. Yes, latin people have in general a different conception of time than nord-europeans. That might lead of spontaneous invitations or encounters without too much planning. If you receive an invitation like that, that does not mean we are "desperate" to see you or have something with you, that only means we got some time off and we would like to spend it with you, because we care of you as a person. Don't think it too much.
6. Finally for now: when meeting and liking a person for the first time, a latin guy might like to get to know the person better: whether the interest will evolve into love, a friendship or a plain acquaintance will be unimportant for him. We normally invite friends over, irrespective of gender and age. Several times I have received a question: "Are we going out on a date?" I find this really rude, because you are judging in advance what your intentions are with a person you barely know. After talking with danish girl-friends I got a plausible explanation --it is effective, and you don't have to think too much where this encounter is leading--. I like to be effective at work, but in my social environment I am clueless on how a relationship will evolve, and considering going on a date with a person I have met once will contradict point number 4.
I hope I have cleared some of the normal questions when trying to interpret my behaviour towards you, It has indeed helped me to understand how we both races are so different in minimal things.
